1 Year Later

I went on bed rest 1 year ago today.  WOW! What a difference a year makes.  It is amazing to look back and see what all has happened this past year.  Along with the everyday things there were major learning experiences as well as life changing events.  I'm kind of a list person so that is what this will be!

1. multiple hospital stays for me
2. celebrated Luke's birthday
3. buried Chestnut, our 6 1/2 year old dog
4. celebrated Thanksgiving, totally caterred meal
5. went off bed rest
6. went to NCG concert
7. had a beautiful baby boy
8. found out my brother had cancer
9. brought Barnabas home from the hospital on my birthday!
10. celebrated Christmas
11. found out my Dad had cancer
12. had huge party for all those who helped while on bedrest
13. joined our church and had all 4 kids baptized
14. celebrated Seth's birthday
15. Dad developed brain lesions which turned out to be CNS Lymphoma
16. suffered with my mom and family as my dad died
17. my grandma died
18. Luke lost a tooth and started to read
19. John started talking in complete sentences
20. Claire sings all things!
21. Barnabas started sleeping through the night
22. My sister and family started building a new house right by us

There are many other small things that I can't think of now.  But, bringing home Barnabas and sending my Dad Home were most definitely the most life changing.  So much joy and so much sadness.  I think we are still processing it all.

BUT, in all things, I will give praise to my God and Saviour!

What a year!

1 month

My dad died one month ago today.  The pain gets deeper each day.  I talk with my mom and she is doing okay yet, not.  She feels so empty, lonely, alone.  We fill her time but we aren't dad (or as she always called him, Billy).  I ache for her more than for myself.  I want to ease the pain, fill the void, soften the hurt, fill the hole, complete her again, etc.  But, really, there is nothing I can do.  The Bible says "two become one".  It isn't really that part of her died.  She died too.  The "one" isn't alive anymore.  How do you fix that?  How do you breath?  How do you eat or sleep or drive or talk or read or exist?

I keep thinking it won't be that long till we are all in heaven with him.  Then, I think, he "should of" had 20 more years.  That's 20 years that my children won't have their Papa.  And I think that gets me more than me not having my dad.  I want my children to remember him and know him and they won't.  I want a hug or a "hey, Les" or "is this the person to whom I'm speaking?" or to hold his hand again like he liked to do with us while he laid in the hospital bed.  Just to see him again and not in a picture.

I never get a chance to think or cry about him.  I feel bad that I don't feel bad.  Then one little thing could send me over but there is a crying child or screaming child so I choke back the tears again.

I think of him holding our 3 babies that we never met.  That they are with their Papa and how he loves them.  I remember mom telling me how she found him crying after we told them of our first miscarriage.  Now he is rejoicing with them!

I just want him back.  I want him to walk into the room.  I want him to make my kids crazy.  I want him to fall asleep in the chair, any chair.  I want him to......

14th on the 13th

The 13th was our anniversary.  We weren't able to do anything, but Friday night my mom is watching 3 of 4 kids and we are going to eat some dinner and shoot some guns!  We were going to camp too, but I think it is too hot!

Though life is harder in many ways than when we got married, it is also so much better.  We have 4 wonderful children and many more memories and inside jokes and movie quotes!

I thought I married the man of my dreams when I was 20.  What I've realized is that I'm married to the man of my dreams now.  He is different in many ways than back then, but so am I.  We have changed together and grown together.  I am blessed to be married to a man who is sanctifying me daily with the Word.

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow..."  Seth is my greatest blessing!!

John Atticus is 2

John turned 2 today!  What a joyful, loving, handsome and pleasant little man!  He loves tractors, Jeeps, trailers, balls, cars, trains and his siblings.  He is starting to dance which is a total hoot.  He loves to give hugs and kisses.  He likes to mimic Luke and Claire which is usually a good thing.  He is really starting to play with them more and they are getting better at including him.

His smile is infectious and his eyes will draw you in.  We love our beloved witness.  He is just so cute!!

grief

My dad died on May 14, 2012 at about 5:45pm.  I've never seen grief till I saw my mom.  I think it gets harder every day he is gone, not easier.  I will write more on this later.

From the mouths of babes...

We went to see my mom and dad in the hospital yesterday.  Dad isn't doing well.  He slept the whole time we were there.  Claire was talking to mom and said "you know Papa may die".  My mom said yes.  Then Claire said "He will see Jesus!".  Nothing is more exciting than getting to see our saviour face to face "as he is".  What a comfort to know whenever my dad does die he will see Jesus!  What a joyous thing that Claire is excited about it too!

After the visit we went to the zoo.  It was the first time since Luke was 1 1/2 years old.  The kids LOVED it and were so well behaved and it wasn't busy since we got there when the school kids were leaving!

Tractor Day

This past Saturday was Tractor Day!  We woke the kids at 5:45am, got them changed and loaded them into the truck (with their blankets) and headed to Fairfield to get our tractor.  We were all super excited.  It isn't a huge tractor, but it has a 60in belly mower.  We also got a bush-hog and auger so we should be able to dig post holes and cut some grass.

Anyway, we got to Fairfield a little after 7am and stopped at McDonald's for breakfast.  Then we went to Lemond's to pick up the tractor.  Well, things always take forever so we were there for a couple hours.  The kids didn't mind.  They got to play on the 4 wheelers and tractor!

Once we got home we went out to the property (now called the farm) and Seth messed around with the tractor for a while.  Then he and Luke mowed while Claire, John and I had a snack and Barnabas took a nap.  We ate a late lunch at Gary's (local burger dive).  Then I took 3 kids home for a nap and Seth and LUke mowed more.  They got 3 acres mowed in about 3 hours and then played with the scoop and bush-hog.

For dinner we went to Chico's (local tex/mex joint).  We got to eat out all 3 meals so it was a true vacation day! 

After baths, everyone was ready for bed. 

It was a great family day and a big day on our pursuit and goal to have a hobby farm on our land and maybe one day live there too!